Ironhead
2022 Ironman Florida
For anyone who cares for an Ironman athlete, I have great respect for you. Ironman athletes can be very stubborn at times, myself included. In many cases we find it hard to stop training when we should, and we won’t listen to advice or warnings. If we stop, feelings of doubt come sweeping in. Back in May 2021 I definitely had no stop button. I feared doubt more than anything.
The face of an “Ironhead,” back in May 2021.
At that time, I was heading down to Downington, Pennsylvania for an open water swim race near my friend Keith’s house. I decided to bring my triathlon bike too because well, I had to. I was on a four weekend “winning” streak of doing long bike rides for Ironman training and I didn’t want to end the streak. I had a day to kill before the swim race so I mapped out a 90 mile course that’d go through three different states. It’d be a fun ride, I thought. Keith cautioned me about the roads there, believing they weren’t the best for cycling. I didn’t think much of it and cycled anyways. 60 miles into the ride, a car turned right into my bike path and I crashed.
Like a true “Ironhead,” I was more concerned about the condition of the bike than myself. Turned out the bike was okay and still rideable! Feeling some discomfort from the road rash and pain in my ankle, I cycled back to Keith’s house. Not deterred by what just happened or how much pain I was feeling, I decided to still go ahead with the swim race the next day and do a long run afterwards. I went ahead swimming, not my best race, and running 14 miles around a hilly area. At the end of run, the ankle felt much worse. And after all of that, I still didn’t stop training.
Starting the healing process up in the “Shire.”
It took me a couple of weeks to realize I I wasn’t getting any better and then I stopped training. The thought of regression popped up in my head. To quote from the film A Bronx Tale, “the worst thing in the world is wasted talent,” and I fear that for myself anytime I give myself a break. Breaks, time outs, meditation, rest, etc. They are all part of training too. Everyone in my life was supporting me taking time to heal, I just needed to accept it too. It took about a month to officially stop training and begin the healing process up at my parents’ in New Hampshire.
I learned more about myself in the months of healing than I did when I was healthy the months before. And I couldn’t have done without the people in my life, especially Kerry. When we first met that summer, I barely could run a mile without pain. Back then she gave me so much love and so much hope that I would be better, and a couple of months later we ran the 2021 New York City Marathon!
Summer 2021 didn’t end up being the Ironman Summer I originally planned, but I was confident I’d be able to do an Ironman in 2022. With the help of my cousin and coach Danielle Mack, we came up with a training plan that would include doing a half Ironman in June and doing an Ironman 12 weeks later in September. I signed up for the 2022 Ironman Maryland, in hopes that racing a flat course such as Maryland I could beat my 12 hour and 30 minute Ironman time and maybe place well in my Age Group. The key goal in 2022 though was to stay healthy.
One of the big changes in training was unlike in 2021’s training, I would only cycle indoors for long training rides. I was lucky I hadn’t had worse accidents over the years, and I definitely didn’t want to push my luck anymore. It’s easy to think of just yourself in Ironman training, but it’s really a very time consuming type of physical training that affects your loved ones. When it comes Ironman training, activities such as cycling in the city, listening to head phones on a run, and swimming in upscale gyms have potentially unnecessary and high costs. And these costs your loved ones may pay for too. I admittedly missed doing some of those things, but I felt much better being safe with my training.
I might be potentially too comfortable up on the podium.
The safer training paid off and in June at the Patriot Half Triathlon in Massachusetts, I finished first in my age group! The thoughts of qualifying for Ironman World Championship in Kona, Hawaii started to creep into my mind and I became more motivated to train well. I was even more motivated in mid July when I did the Falmouth Sprint Triathlon with Kerry in Cape Cod. That triathlon I was first in my age group, racing with no wetsuit and I used a rented aluminum road bike instead of my faster carbon fiber triathlon bike. And then shortly afterwards, I got Covid.
My “maybe identical” twin brother Doug had Covid and recovered within a week, so I assumed I’d recover the same. Covid doesn’t work like that unfortunately. I was sick for two weeks and still tested positive for a month. I listened closely to Kerry, who’s a nurse anesthetist and recommended I take time to recover before getting back into training. Coach Danielle agreed as well. Understanding it’d be a month before I could train at the level as I was training before Covid, I decided to defer Ironman Maryland to another Ironman later in the year. I found another flat course, Ironman Florida, which would be in November. I heard good things about this race, but one thing that concerned me was the ocean swim, which I heard could be a challenge. Feeling I had some good experience swimming in choppy oceans in the past with Wallis Sands Triathlon and Boston Swimrun, I proceeded to sign up.
Nice November Florida weather for racing as viewed from our hotel balcony.
12 weeks after recovering from Covid, I stayed healthy and safe and I felt ready for Ironman Florida. Not only did I feel ready, but the confidence I had before Covid came back and I felt I could maybe get a Kona Spot. Kerry and I went down to Panama City Beach two days before the race and had a nice time settling in. We ran together the day before the race and there was a bystander, who was impressed how fast I was running some pickups. The weather I saw was going to be partly sunny and 70°F, couldn’t ask for better Florida weather! I was pumped for the race, right up until the night of.
I felt physically prepared, but was starting to question if I was mentally prepared too. Doubts I had were swirling in my head and it was crushing me. Coach Danielle has a saying when it comes to doubts, “If it’s not 100 percent true, it’s not true it all.” Sometimes though when you’re swimming in a ”Sea of Doubt,” it hard to see the doubts aren’t true and you just get stuck. And I was feeling stuck that night, but then Kerry reassured me everything was fine. No matter what happened she was proud of me. Kerry pulled me out of the “Sea of Doubt” that night. The next morning after a good night sleep, I was feeling much better about the Ironman and ready to take on that ocean!
The Race
With the Van Halen song “Panama” blasting from the speakers, I sprinted into the slightly choppy waters and swam out to the buoys. I didn’t mind the chop, probably because I was distracted by how much clearer and warmer the water was compared to swimming in New Hampshire ocean water. 100 yards away from shore I could start seeing some jellyfish. First I thought it was cool there weren’t so many of them and they were about three or four feet below us in the water. However, the further out from the beach we were, the more jellyfish there were and the closer to the surface they were. By the 400 yard buoy, we were swimming in a jellyfish forest. The doubts were coming back again. Doubts always pop up at a bad time.
“Panama! Panama! Panama!”
Swimming about 200 yards through the jellyfish “Sea of Doubt,” I learned to embrace it. It wasn’t fun, but I had no other choice. No one else in the water with me was enjoying either I’m sure. Kerry was volunteering at the medical tent for the swim and noticed some athletes ending their race early because of the swim conditions. It’s a tough thing for an athlete to experience and tough thing for a spectator to see. Because the swim was an Australian exit swim, we would get a temporary break in the middle of the swim running on the beach and then jump back into the water to finish one more lap around the buoys. The second lap was a little slower for me but I was happy to stay a steady pace of 1:33 per 100 yards. The last 100 yards my swim cap and goggles came off and I held them while swimming the last stretch, “capping” off a challenging swim.
I was really happy to see I finished the swim seven minutes faster than Ironman Mont Tremblant, which had much better conditions and was in a lake. The transition was a little hectic and it was very much like a maze. It took me more time than I wanted to get ready.
When I hopped on my bike I noticed my front breaks were rubbing against my front wheel, and therefore losing speed. Luckily 10 minutes into the ride it stopped becoming an issue and I was able to gain on some other athletes. The bike leg of the Ironman was very flat and fast, which meant a lot of “leap frogging” between other athletes.
Halfway through the bike course I quickly began to notice I was getting passed a bit and started to take a more conservative approach to pacing. I was a little disappointed I couldn’t keep up with the faster athletes, but in my training and in my races earlier that year I noticed I was best at the run. I needed to save energy for the run, and keep at a 22mph pace. I accepted that, and in the aero position I pretended I was just out cycling in the country by myself.
Where the palm trees go on the bike course?
The course had an interesting geography, one that really didn’t feel like Florida. Away from the palm tree beaches, we biked through areas that looked like the plains and where trees had autumn leaves. There wasn’t much tree cover on the course and so the heat was getting to me. I was having difficulty refilling my aero bottle and I found I wasn’t drinking as much as gatorade as I should’ve been. My speed was starting to dip, and as I was cycling back towards to Panama City Beach for the final few miles, many athletes were passing me.
Though I had bike split average of 21mph for the bike leg, I got onto the run course feeling pretty upset with myself that I lost steam on the bike. I was also getting concerned I might blow up in the marathon, just as I had in the last 6 miles of Ironman Mont Tremblant. I walked a lot in that Ironman. About a half mile out of transition, I saw Kerry! She was cheering me on and gave me a huge boost.
Keeping it positive for 26 miles!
I came up with the plan to finish the Ironman respectfully. I’d run an eight minute mile pace and walk through the aid stations, which were positioned a mile apart from each other. Every mile and walking through an aid station felt great, especially because I was keeping the same speed. It was an interval workout pretty much. I remember passing by these spectators who were jokingly telling me after I passed other athletes ahead of me, “Hey man, slow down!” Somehow they knew that’d motivate me to run faster. I saw Kerry again near half marathon mark and that gave me another big boost and killed doubts I had.
By going one mile at a time at a consistent pace and with the huge help of Kerry and many Panama City Beach spectators, I was able to be in a good zone. The run went by very fast. Sooner than I knew it, I crossed the finish at 10 hours 11 minutes and 28 seconds and I heard the voice of Mike Reilly saying “Lawrence Merrill, you’re an Ironman.” Not too far from finish line was Kerry, my biggest supporter, with a wicked big cookie cake!
At the finish with my biggest supporter, Kerry.
Even if the time wasn’t a Kona qualification, I couldn’t complain about my performance. That was over two hours faster than my last Ironman, and the marathon was a minute faster than my Berlin Marathon time. I’ve been a lucky in many regards, but the luckiest thing about me is how much support family and friends have given me in triathlon and in life. Triathlon can be a very self-absorbing and costly pursuit. It can create a lot of self-inflicted doubt, as it has done sometimes for me. When you’re in the “Sea of Doubt,”remind yourself to not be afraid. You’ll get yourself out of it. If not, someone like Kerry will throw you a lifeline. Sometimes that lifeline tastes like a cookie cake.
Lawrence Merrill, you're a CookieMan!
Patriot Half Triathlon Results: https://www.allsportsevents.com/results/patriot-half-triathlon-2022/
Falmouth Sprint Triathlon Results: https://my.raceresult.com/209788/results
Ironman Florida Results: https://www.ironman.com/im-florida-results
